The title pretty much tells the story, right? I was at a conference in Chicago last week and one of the attendees, a beautiful, smart, spunky young woman named Ashleigh came down from her hotel room with the most beautiful bouquet of pink and white flowers and said, “Does anyone want to take these home?”
I was stunned.
I was headed to the airport so I couldn’t take them off her hands [oh yes, yes I would have!], but my curiosity piqued as to why she would be giving them away. Apparently, her boyfriend (not her husband – A REALLY AWESOME BOYFRIEND!!) sends her flowers every time she travels. I then leaned in and said, “How many times a year do you travel?” [Of course, I’m already trying to rationalize this is a once-in-a-while deal because I travel almost weekly and can’t imagine my husband ever doing something like this.] Ashleigh responds with, “About ten trips a year.”
Ok, I was stunned…again.
I took a picture of her holding her flowers [they are gorgeous] and she did find the one lucky woman who was able to take them off her hands finally, but I just kept wondering, “Why am I so stinkin’ jealous about this?” [Maybe that should be really be written, “Why am I so smellin‘ jealous about this?” since we ARE talking about flowers.]
But first, a confession…
I confess – I get jealous very easily. It’s a HUGE flaw of mine, but this one, in particular, was hitting me in the gut hard. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for Ashleigh’s love and her beautiful gift of flora to brighten her day, but wowza…I wanna get that, too!
When I came home and told my husband about the flowers [I was totally setting him up, right? I knew what I was doing!] my husband was very quick to remind how much I travel and how pissed I would be if he spent that kind of money on flowers. Part of that was true and I agreed with him, but I was never completely honest with him. Truth and honesty are not the same.
To hell with logic, I want those damn flowers! Or, do I?
Ok, you got me. No – I really didn’t want the flowers. I wanted what they represented. I wanted the magic which goes into receiving the flowers. Knowing someone cares and is considerate enough to do something so special for me. Just me. It’s a huge turn-on in the brain. It would be a conversation I needed to have with my husband because as Justin Timberlake says, “I can’t stop the feeling” of jealousy…apparently which was filling my nostrils like the peonies and lilies in that young woman’s arrangement. How do you tell your husband they kind of suck at romance these days? In 2016, by text, of course!
Crazy right? Being 100% honest with my spouse meant he knew exactly how I felt and this conversation continued (in a therapeutic way for both of us) for several days. I learned I cannot expect him to know how I feel unless I TELL him. I didn’t marry a wizard!
So a week later…
After having this discussion, my husband has really been trying to be sure we talk about stuff more, but most importantly he is listening to when I say things like last night during Halloween, “I want to walk with the grandkids.” He was completely ok with it and stayed back to hand out candy with the neighborhood kids. And let me tell you what an awesome sight he was after a couple of miles of walking, I came home (I left my children to walk with their own kids!) and we sat in lawn chairs, on the driveway, with a roaring bonfire, and all was peaceful between us.
I didn’t need flowers. I have a bouquet of happiness always available to me. I only needed to ask for it. Crazy how you learn shit like this so much later in life. I certainly hope the young women of today are quick to learn these lessons.
Happy November.
45...and a few other F words 